Amazment is Amusing

*Applause* Yes ladies and gentle dude I am back once more to amaze you with meaningless words and babblings.  This is Garic Tinsley, so sit back pull up a pillow and take a little nap.  I shall start by talking about, well my title of course.  Why is amazement amusing you ask me? Well I shall tell you so if you didn’t ask that I ask you now to fuck off and leave my page before I shoot acid into your tear ducts.

People I have been going through “big boy school” for sometime now.  Watching all the people and all that such nonsense.  And a question struck me.  Have you ever looked around and realized the abundance of retarded people.  I did today and let me tell you I have but one thing to say, “Fuck.”  I mean I have always known that my school has some stupid ass people in it, but never has it really hit me until today.  I was just stunned for a second.  We have people who are drug addicts, drunks, and those who are “red-shirt seniors” 99.999999% of whom will never graduate and amount to anything but shit on a stick and with three kids and a welfare check.  Makes me laugh a little bit.

Anyways now we shall discuss my life.  I don’t give dead ostrich about yours, because this is my blog.  But anyways, Onward ho!

School has been kicking my ass lately.  My algebra teacher is useless; I never get any help; however, the geometry teacher is.  It’s kind of creepy that she is smarter than him; yet, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named taught her.  Maybe she should take over *Insert Darth Vader theme here* Along with algebra and/or whatever nonsense it is now I have also English.  Now I am the mutt’s nuts when it comes to literature and books and shit, but wouldn’t you know it we are doing writing conventions.  And as you can see I have the writing conventions of a retarded baboon on crystal meth and marijuana.

The only things that really keep me sane are still my books.  Maybe for Christmas I should get a Kendall of whatever it’s called (mom if you ever read this hint hint).  Anyways just finished Order of the Phoenix.  It about made me cry a little bit when that part happened with the thing and the other thing and rabble rabble rabble (your welcome Dude).  I started The Half-Blood Prince, which is also pretty fuckin good with the thing and that other thing happening and some such other things (again your welcome Dude).

Kind of worries me though; I am tearing through the books so damn fast that I don’t know what I will read next.  Jamaal if you ever read my blog suggest something damn good in series form, and I will be deeply grateful and pay you a hefty sum of $0.00.

Speaking of books and sanity and such nonsense.  The other thing that keeps me sane is my frequent visits to Jamaal’s house.  Playing Saints Row 2 kind of centers me for the week. (Mainly because everyone I kill is someone stupid in my mind).  If it wasn’t for that place I would be extremely miserable.  So thank you for letting me hang at your place and I will more than likely be there soon.  When and if I ever get my algebra grade up, which is not likely to happen anytime soon which is depressing.

Anyways that about does it for me.  So to all the Hebrews and Shebrews I bid thee goodnight and everybody wang chung tonight and what not

When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?

God Sure Saved Me Last Night

Well salutations oh glorious readers of 1 or so.  Do I have some pointless stuff to tell you about.  Oh and one really awesome glorious thing that is completely amazing because I escaped death by a huge act from God himself.

I finished the Chronicles of Narnia series which was all kinds of awesome and sad and again awesome.  The Last Battle almost had me crying because I’m a sensitive fello and all.  It really made me happy to know I got God on my side and when I’m off this rock I will be the happiest chap in the world.  All of them made me think a little bit and they made me all around very fulfilled.

So to update you all on what’s been going on.  I have seriously got into the Harry Potter books which are glorious (yes that’s right kiddies we must save the best thing for last, so keep you nuts in your pants).  I’m only on the second book and it is still awesome.

School is a drag no a days.  Not only do I not like my class, but also, I just want to read, and school just disturbs that.  Between classes I read, during class on my spare time I am reading, and during practice guess what I am doing.  Yep that’s right I am shooting a buffalo.  No I’m not really, I am just thinking about reading.  Everyday in school I think about reading my books again.  When I’m at practice I just want to go home and read even more.  I mean our team sucks and I just want to go home and get through more chapters just to see what will happen.

Which speaking of games and what not, ladies and gentlemen let me tell you a story about when God saved me (well He is my personal Savior, but we are talking about actually saving my butt).  So after getting raped by Olpe once again ( 42 – 0), I was going home, again thinking about reading, when I noticed my windshield fogged up.  Before I was out of the school I lost control of my car, went off the road, pulled a dukes of hazard across a culvert, and finally came to a screeching hault 1 foot, let me say that again for the deaf people ONE FOOT from being in our school’s pond.  Funny thing is I have done that same exact routine about 100 freaking times and nothing.  And then out of the blue bam car wreck.  It get’s you thinking about stuff.

Let me tell you that was the most scared I have EVER been.  I can very much say that God didn’t want me to die yesterday, because if he did, I would be dead at the bottom of a lake right now.  Instead, no, I am sitting here with a cut chin and a sore nose blogging to you about how God himself placed a hand of protection over me and delivered me from quite possible a potentially worse ordeal.

You know I use to take God for granted.  I use to just assume, “Hey He’ll do it I aint got no worries.”  Well let me tell you it took wrecking a car for me to realize taking God for granted is not a bright idea.

Well this just about does it for me.  I have gloriously told you my very limited memoirs of the “X” amount of time since my last post.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Who Blogs During the Day?

I will tell you who; someone who has no social, someone who is watching the chiefs play, and one drop dead sexy lizard.  Hello again it is me you fan of 1.  How are we doing today?  Good?! Crap not the answers I was looking for but whatever.  Today I tend to just ramble on about aimless nothing once again, and you will love it, because if you don’t I shall kick your nether regions repeatedly.

So I am a junior in high school now.  Let me tell you school sucks major anus.  I have to sit in class and pay attention to teachers I don’t like; one of which could drop dead any day now.  Not all the teachers are stupid, but those teachers are of few numbers now a days, and most of the kids in my class or so ignorant or complete mental vegetables that if they got any stupider would drool all of themselves and have no control over there bowels.  Which would absolutely make my day, because they would leave me alone and cease there ignorant phycho-babble .  My days now are just consisting of routine now also.  Go to school, football practice, and then frequent visits to my home away from home in Bronson.  Sooooo all in all I feel like a drone; a very, very, very, very angry drone that wants to shoot “routine” in the head a bazooka and then hang it from a fountain in Italy somewhere.

Anyways there is some pleasure, or fun if you will after the drag of school and good government doggy shit like that.  I finally got to play Beatles: Rockband, Guitar Hero 5, and Arkam Aslylum.  All of which very good games that make me happy when I play.  I also have given thought to getting a new book series going.  I am open to suggestions at anytime so please feel free to comment on such.  Oh, and if any of you even think about suggesting “Twilight,” I am going to casterate you, put your nuts in a blender, hit liquify, and make you drink it.  I mean come on, seriously, sparkly ass vampires?!?!  What acid was that author tripping on when they wrote those books?  I mean I have had the agony to actually sit through a damn movie, and I wanted to kill myself.  The climax was a sparkly queer vampire sucking the blood out of a human!  Now blood-sucking is completely cool with me in the movies, but not when you sparkle with glitter, that completely kills it.  So no “Twilight” not for my sake, but for the sake of you ever having kids, and a pair of grapes to call your own.

Wow that was completely weird.  I just went off onto a completely different tangent there.  Anyways I am also stone free, yes that is right ladies and gentlemen I told my old rusty ball and chain to fall in a pit full of rabid cobras and leave me alone, which I have to give it to Ol’ Duder felt really great.

So that about does it for me, short, glorious, and rambling.  What could possibly be better

If laughter is the best medicine, who’s the idiot who said they ‘died laughing’?

Man Choices Piss Me Off

Holy jeez two posts in a matter of a few days or so?  That has to be a personal best, and you all must be jizzing yourselves with pure joy.  So, I’m tired and I feel like getting some bullshit off my chest; if you don’t like it then tough shit.  Anyways it’s about my somewhat, I don’t know, crazy, insane, rollercoaster thing called relationship.

So I am kinda sorta dating this woman, hence why I said relationship.  And to all the homosexuals, I’m sorry my iguana sexy good looks ain’t for you.  Well anyways for the first couple of months things went rather swimmingly.  We were happy, I was laughing and making her do the same, and it was overall pretty damn sweet.  Then after those months I started to vaguely notice I was changing; I felt all confined, shackled, and plain out not my old “fuck you” kind of self.  So one day I decide to take a good long look at what was going on, consult some people, and later come to find out the horrible, terrible, gut busting, vomit inducing, blood pissing truth;  I WAS WHIPPED!  I wasn’t having any of these crocodile turds; so, I broke it off.

But oh hell no; I missed her immediately after, like a good little lap dog, I went running back to her with my tail between my legs and standing on my hind legs.  (Before I go any further, yes this is pathetic. But, so are you; so go suck off a rabid leopard and get ass fucked by a giraffe in heat.) So we get back together and everything is mutt’s nuts.  Until again I feel all strange and once again WHIPPED!  And this time there was nothing I could do.  I got in too deep (that’s what he said) and no I do not know what to do anymore.

I mean I love her yes this be truel; but, we fight constantly over completely pointless shit (which I point out during the fight which makes it go on further and escelate).  I mean we fight make up and again and again and again.  Day after day after day after day AFTER DAY.  And it is slowely making me go bat-shit crazy here.  And yes I have been told to break it off and be fucking done with it.  But after I do I immediately miss her and once again go running back to her.  Why you ask?  Well, nutter fucker, I don’t know that’s why I’m posting this now.

I don’t ever want to hurt here, but this happy horse shit fighting has to stop.  We fight about me going to a friends house, for hanging out with my own brother, or just plain flat out not wanting to talk and just be alone.  I mean today for instance, I went to jamaal’s house for some ribs, beans, and collard greens (by the way very good shit thank you for that you will be revered as a scholar when I take over the world).  And I get there and she goes insane.  I get home she calls and starts apologizing, and saying she won’t do it again.  It has been said so many times I have no clue what to think anymore.

I mean damnit what do I do about this?  As much of a jerk as I am, I love this woman and I want to get this relationship thing back in order and in a nice upward swing.  But, damnit I don’t know how to do it anymore; I try and try and it results in more pointless arguing.

This is one problem I would like to here people comment upon.  And if any of you rat razor fucking, bull shit sucking, piss drinking, cliche philosophisers want to say, “Follow your heart.”  Then I swear I am gonna rip out your tongue shove it up your ass, and casterate you and make you eat your own cock and balls while hanging you with your worthless intestines.

That being said I am going to watch whatever is on tv or play Oblivion until my heart is content.  I am sure we will have no misunderstandings on this subject.  If we do then go away right now before I kick you repeatedly in the balls until they pop out your eye sockets

If people point at there wrist when asking what time is it, then why don’t we grab our crotch when we wanna know where the bathroom is?

Random Ramblings

Hello again ladies and genitals.  I come before you to make you laugh with my sad but true truths of life; not to mention some hellified bitching and complaining, but that’s a by-product.

Anyways, you know what I just LOVE to hear people say?  Well if you wanna know, then good for you. If not well fuck a dead tiger and leave, because I don’t like you anymore.  Hell not that I ever did.  Anyways, life sucks people say.  And that’s is it; no reason why though except for, “Well it just does.”  Who in the name of Gilbert Godfrey’s (watched his stand up very good) fuck ugly face do you think you are?  Life sucks?!?! Well no shit sherlock, nice of you to tell us!  Good to hear your reason too, because it gives people like me something to get mad about, laugh, and then blog about.

Now, I sympathize completely; however, when your reason is, “It just does.” is the reason, then I tend to like to laugh angrily; and then, wanna rip your throat out of your ass and hang you with it for your stupidity and ignorance.  Let me tell you something you fucking whore hopping piece of ignorant shit sucking clown, when you have seen your mother raped, your dad destroy his life with beer, see your whole life crash right before you, THEN you come and talk to me about how life sucks and I will lend my useful knowledge that says caringly, ” Life sucks, wear a hat.”  No just kidding, I can relate to people when they actually have problems; I just don’t care about them.

Anyways off that subject now because I felt like rambling.  So since I last serenaded you with my sexy words a lot has changed.  Actually not really; I just turned seventeen.  Doesn’t mean much to me however.  One year closer to death, taxes, jobs, and all that shit.  But hey, rated “M” games, seventeen years and no STD, and college certainly is a plus.  Instead of sitting in highschool listening to good government bullshit, I get to sit in a BIG room talking about good government bullshit; BUT, I don’t have to listen to it.

But, you know as much as I bitch about life and the people in it, part of me kind of has to enjoy it.  Because hey, God put us here for a reason.  Plus I get to mess with jackasses reading my blog.  HAHAHAHA

Well I better cut this shorter than expected.  Mi madre needs to get on and pay some bills and all that stupid ass people stuff.

How can something be “new” and “improved?”  If it’s new what is there to improve upon?

HONEY I’M HOME!

Ladies and genitals of all ages, coming back from the dead and giving you more dumb ass ranting and bitching, none other than the illustrious, crazy, and a drop dead sexy buffalo, GARIC TINSLEY!!!!!

Did you miss me people?  Good; I did not miss you all one damn bit.  Why you ask?  Well it’s quite simple, I hate you all.

I would like to rant about my church.  (By the way if one of you read this: you are good people.  Some of you just piss me off) Well, I have decided to stop going there; after much deliberation I came to the conclusion that I was uncomfortable there.  There were many things that triggered this.

The first was they seemed as though they cared more about appearance, rather than saving people from going to a worse hell than present day America.  I was talking to my Mom about this; she is at present with a freaking cool dude name Mel (a.k.a Steve, or Steve the Hedge).  She talked to him on my be half.  Let me tell you a little story that I heard:  Five years ago, when Mel (a.k.a Steve, or Steve the Hedge) was married to some lady, she treated him bad.  That is when they got a divorce (so I’m told).  Then some odd time later he meets my Mom at very good timing none the less too (read Dude’s Blog for reference).  So everything is all the mutt’s nuts right?  Well so far yes right as the mill it is.  So I go to church camp with my best friend Ryan (nice fello, wonderful tenor, if you read this nothing against you at all).  I there come to accept Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior (very capital decision you should try it sometime).  We get back, I keep going to church, and a couple months later I follow The Lord in Scriptural Baptism.  This is when things went from the mutt’s nuts to a total confusing case of staying up late and thinking on the toilet while making some very impressive bowel movements.  These people at the church started some very comical rumor about my dear Mama being the reason for Mel’s (a.k.a Steve or Steve the Hedge) divorce.  Mel said these people at the church didn’t see it as a married couple in need of help.  They saw it as a “DIVORCE! YOU MAKE OUR CHURCH LOOK LIKE POO, NO SOUP FOR YOU!” (Seinfeld quote intended). Not only that but they were also called two-face, because one moment they are shaking your hand, and the next they talk about you like you were pieces of monkey feces, which you are America.  That would be one of three or four reasons why I stopped going.

The next reason is because of their constant bashing of  “bad music and movies.”  Constantly with bad music this and sin movie that.  I don’t see why it’s bad; yes they have a bad message, but it’s not like I go and do a line of coke or puff the magic dragon just because Bob Dylan or Jimi Hendrix or The Beatles said so.  I also wouldn’t go and kill a bunch of people because it looked cool when Hannibal Lector did it in the five movies he has been in.  I mean if your one of those disappointing retards who do things in the movies then by all means Christian stuff is for you idiot.

I also hate it how if it’s Christian it’s good.  Now I commend these guys for getting The Word out; let’s face facts here though, the acting in “Facing the Giants” was piss poor.  Secondly, another thing if you can convince me Classic Rock is worse than Christian Music, then I will take off my sock and stuff it in places you can never even dream about.  Take “Who are You” by The Who, put it up to any song by Creed, and I will guarantee you that “Who are You” would blow it sky high out of a super glue volcano (that would get some people high as shit wouldn’t it?).

Now one thing I really didn’t like is that I could not wear what I wanted.  I am acceptionally a modest dresser, but for example at this church camp I spoke of earlier, no shorts were allowed.  Let me repeat that; NO SHORTS WERE ALLOWED.  My brother being the nice intellectual that he is kind of pointed this out to be along the lines of cultish, which i know agree with.    I was called out basically for wearing a Jimi Hendrix shirt to church.  That’s all sorts of what the fuck ain’t it?  I can say I started to wonder why I went to that church.  I loved the people, they were really nice and accomodating and it was the church that really helped me accept Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior, but I kinda of realized that I didn’t fit in at all.

Let’s face facts here ladies and genitals of my adoring public; I love that church, but the people there were not my people.  I didn’t feel comfortable there at all.  This was mainly because I heard people that talked about me behind my back of all reasons.  Some people there made it really hard to go to see my Mom’s new love interest whom is a blessing from God might I add.  I mean picture if you went to a church where people wore dresses and nice clothes and what not; then there you are, a very casually dressed person wearing jeans and a some what but not very nice shirt.  You would feel like a genius olympian at the special olympics wouldn’t you?  If you said “no” then please comment so I may find your address, come to your house, and kick you until your testicles pop into your eye sockets  for are a liar and I want to inflict pain on your “nether regions.”

Well now seeing as I don’t have a sign off line:

How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?

Mindless Chatter and What Not

Hello again ladies, gentlemen, germs, and people I cannot stand; here to bring you more mindless fucking babble is none other than Garic “Babble Master” Tinsley.

I would like to start babbling by addressing the issue of  “having no social life.”  People say there is a problem with it, however I would like to retort with my simple little phrase,” What the Fuck?”  Who the hell are these people to instantly believe that?  Let me just state my opinion; no wait let me state the fact here;  people who have no “life” have a better one than the people that have a life.

It pisses me the fuck off when people tell me,”You need to get out and meet people.” or, “You should go out and do this because you need to quit being anti-social.”  Let me be very clear on this to my readers and critics; being social is a terrible idea for me.  Honestly I am socially awkward, people annoy the living hell out of me (If honestly should have notice, if not you seriously need to be smacked in the back of the head with a sledgehammer), and I really do not give two shits about most people with a “social life,” because they worry to fucking much about other people; who, as normal, do not give two tugs of a buffalo’s dong about them.

Let me explain why I feel the way I do.  First of all my loyal fans of two-ish, when a dumbass comes to you all down and depressed what do they say?  “Oh my friend is having trouble with this friend,” or “My friend started ‘talkin shit’ on my other friend,” or my personal favorite, and one that always makes me chuckle a little,”My friend fucked my ex-boyfriend, and he got her pregnant.”  Oh, and to all under aged pregnant teens who this has happened to. I would to say one little thing here,” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHE HO HO HO HO (that me calling you one, not me laughing) HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO (lauging now) ha….HA!” I digress my apologies….wait fuck you if that made you mad I do not care.  My point of the matter is, when you keep a small circle of friends you are less apt to deal with all the bullshit and fuck ups the other people make that somehow come back to bite you in the ass.

Having no “real social life” also makes you all around more relaxed and easier going.  Most people in present day america are way to fucking eager to conform to the “cool people.”  I myself want none of this lizard shit; I would much rather sit in my room reading books, watching good movies, and hanging out with my small circle of friends, and be ridiculed by “popular people,” than join that crowd and be left at the end of my teen life feeling like I faked the whole thing and just conformed to assholes I don’t like.

All in all i rambled about having no life is better than having one.  It’s almost eleven in the pm, I am tired, and annoyed with talking to you.  So since i still do not have my sign out again line yet; I shall leave you with another of my life long questions.  Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face it goes insane; yet, when you take them in a car ride, they stick their fucking heads straight out the window? What the hell is up with that?

Fuck it I Need Rambling

HELLLLLOOOOOO VIETNAM!!!!!!  I happen to be bored on this most auspicious of nights; therefore, i feel like writing aimlessly about a subject that we all are familiar with.  This topic happens to be on people and how I see them (save a select few of people i associate myself with)

Now I look at people in the present day; I listen to them.  Would you like to know the general concensus?  Well it boils down to this and I shall quote myself on this one,”People are stupid and bat shit crazy.”  I mean what the hell is up with people in this world?  I look at the people on planet earth (by to all the aliens coming here, stop it, earth is a petrified shit in the universe now.)  Anyways, I mean we now live in a sociey where we are in love with money, and don’t give two shits about how they get it.  Even if they step on millions of other people to get it.

We are in a big ass recession with no light at the end of the tunnel.  I guess I am just tired of stupid people doing stupid things myself included.  I am just tired of being lied too, messed with, and not knowing exactly what I want.

Sometimes it’s hard; dealing with depression.  Being a dude coming from a divorced family blows.  It’s hard to deal with things that I have seen, and the vile things i have witnessed.  This blogging thing somehow helps though.  Getting all this crap off my chest really helps.  Just babbling on like an idiot just feels good.

Well it is 1:01 in the A.M I am tired and I got ripped open and a dog shit in my insides. So I am going to sleep; I don’t give two shits what you do though.

Still haven’t thought of a sign off.  So, if pros and cons are opposites, then wouldn’t progress the opposite of congress?

Breakin’ the Cherry

Well this be my first post of my blogging career.  First of all let us get on thing out of the way;  I am extremely boring, can’t remember names worth crap, and i tend to ramble on babbling about pointless shit like a fucking idiot.  Oh almost forgot, if you don’t like what i write or think i am just being retarded, then fuck off and do not read this.  I do this for me, and i don’t give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about whoever is reading this.

First, I shall tell you about myself.  My real name is Garic Hunter Tinsley; I enjoy good music, good movies, good books,  good people, and think about issues in life that actually matter.  In other words i am nothing like “normal” people who listen to terrible music, do not read books, watch good movies, or give two shits about the world we live and just wanting to “live life.”

I am a Christian, and I do believe strongly in God and what He did for us pitiful excuses for people such as myself, and everyone else that is human.  Granted I do not walk with God as closely as I should, but I am working on that diligently.

In my family, it’s very generic now a days.  Divorced parents, a big sister, little sister, and big brother.  I spend most of my time with my brother; he is addressed as Dude, Duder, or anyother ways you can think of saying the word.  Basically,  if I didn’t have the cool brother of whom I much enjoy being with, I would have no social, nor would I be half the boring person that I am today.

So anyways that is my first post.  Boring, rambled, true…..Awesome

Now I think a sign off or “ending quote” is supposed to be added here.  I do not have one.  So here I shall banish you from my presence with something to think on.  Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?